Life in words

Someday all of this -- the struggles, the waiting, the moments of self-doubt and wondering --I wish all of this will make sense. 

But for now, I'm trying to have comfort in knowing that I'm trying my best.

Although it is hard, I have faith that I'm learning to be kind and gentle with myself for a start.

Trusting that maybe the struggles are here to make me strong and prepared for my future.

All these moments of self-doubt and wondering, keep me buried deep 5ft under worries and questions!!

Watching all the things around me change constantly, makes me question What am I doing, sitting around putting each brick of my dreams together. 

Valuing each opportunity to make myself a better person.

Seems like the small obstacles are actually not obstructing my growth.....It is my own mind, my own thoughts that are slowing me down.

Although it seems as if staying responsible and disciplined is hard, I find much more hardship to stay in the present without feeling guilty about the past and feeling insecure about the future. 

When I'm reminding myself to stay in the present, 

When I'm reminding myself to stay without having any of the desires that are far gone, 

When I'm reminding myself to only expect what I've worked for,

I'm feeling a certain amount of unfairness prevailing within my heart.

I feel I've come some way down the road but already questioning when I'll reach,

I feel it is not me who has lost the small pleasures of getting to contact my grandparents or any other relative or friend......It is the clash of these great walls of ego that happens to forget the existence of humanity.

I feel I've gathered some understanding that things don't always happen the way you expect them to.

But no one is going to own up to your failures, mistakes and even success but you.

So in the end, I realized it has always been only me all along. It was me who choose all this to happen (knowingly or unknowingly),

It is me how is sustaining through the tides of life and

It will only be me who will own for each of my actions.

- Bharathi Senthilkumar

This is a rough compilation of many of the things I'm learning every day and inculcating from various experiences! Thank you everyone for all the support and encouragement.